Some thoughts on love

Today millions of people in the world celebrate love - the greatest emotion ever to inhabit the heart - without whose existence, this world could not have survived so long. If we count the wars that humanity passed through time in order to arrive at a civilization where men and women can define themselves according to best of culture and modernity, I can only imagine that there was also a huge magnitude of devotion and love that inspired the conquest to their glorious triumphs.

I cannot imagine a world without love because where it does not exist, there is mostly likely conflict and war inflicted by an aggressor against a powerless majority. Or is it true that a long-time dictator hangs on to power because he too does it for love. How amazing it is that love like religion - with their respective private and public spheres, are being defined according to the personal interests of the one defining the word.

How many have been killed in the name of love? A father kills his own daughter because he loves her so much, but the good daughter fell in love with the wrong man and "shamed" the family. So, she was killed for the sake of love and she died for love´s sake. There are still thousands of women who are suffering in the name of love because love has an evil side that seemingly gives right to one party to hurt the other - physically and emotionally. This is a love´s dilemma that batters my mind. Why are there men who find it so easy to hurt the person or persons he cares most?

It is the romantic meaning of St. Valentine that sees red roses everywhere today. Love is not just for one day and red roses are all year round. I refer to an equitable distribution of such grand emotion so that it will spice up may daily life which at times could become boring and meaningless. Even if love is the greatest source of warmth, there are many things that belong to the brain that do not work because the intellectual environment is not challenging enough.

I have expressed so many private thoughts on the subject of love because I do believe that it is truly magic, and that in life if the heart is closed to its approach, how then can joy come to console during some moments of sadness when the sun finally sets on the horizon? We love to watch the sunset and we have seen the most glorious ones in all shades of oranges. And we sit and hold hands and toast life that is still in our hearts for as long as it beats.

Today we also celebrate our 2nd year of engagement that took place in Birka Paradise when my skipper - in a nightclub full of celebrating people, knelt down his knees and proposed. All the Cholo and Felicitwomen in the dancehall got red roses. I got the whole bucket. HAPPY VALENTIVE!
(Photo of Felicity and Cholo, New Year's Eve 2010, Cape Verde)

The limits of generosity

It is not easy to find the limits of one's generosity because this human attribute lies in the innermost of one's heart, a heart that is human. The heart controls and appropriates all its beautiful qualities in different ways, at different times to different recipients. A heart that is capable of love is also capable of sharing it with others in more than a hundred different ways.

I am not talking of romantic love which involves two people whose lives are unified by a common purpose and direction in life. This is the emotional feeling of two whose presence in each one's life makes a difference between living and existing.

There are other forms of love that serves as a source of goodness and generosity. A family is the home of the noblest of emotions between parents and children and among brothers and sisters. It is only in an extreme case of aberration where a parent, a son or daughter can disown one another.

Then comes love between friends which is not easy to define because when I say friends, I mean friendship that has survived the test of time and loyalty. I use to say, I have many friends but there's just a few I keep to my heart. If I am too careless with my capacity to keep friends I could end up dry as the Sahara. I guess it goes the same with romantic love - that giving too much of oneself in an unequal sharing basis could leave the other undernourished, in a sort of way.

I am getting off my topic of generosity because I get easily carried away by the subject of love itself. It is just great to speak and write about it if one is in love. To resume my topic on generosity, I want delimit it to people and situations outside my blood relations.

I just passed through an experience where I believe there was some element of cultural difference involved. Where I come from - that is Asia, the trait of generosity is abundant and we seem to spread it around like there's no tomorrow. We are generous even to strangers. This particular experience that evoke this blog's topic is quite disturbing to my sense of generosity and friendship because it felt like I (or we ) have been taken advantage of.

These are not friends of mine who stayed for almost week with us because it seemed cheaper for them to do so. They, or at least the man is an old friend of my other half and they came to buy a boat, our boat. Since we opened our door to these people, all other doors were also opened. What seemed unsual was that, my (our) generosity with things we have and own was not reciprocated. They were living off us, apparently.

It was truly disturbing! It is not in my nature to remind another that it is his or her turn to pick up the tab or that they can share in the food cost. I believe that it is extremely lacking in taste and breeding to take advantage of another's generosity, let alone friendship. It was almost funny when our female guest came home with two oranges, and later two small beers, which meant they only considered themselves and excluded their hosts. And that this was taking place in my home was hard to imagine.

Then came cynicism in conversations about the state of affairs in Sweden, how it is taken advantage of by people who are guests - who live by other people's tax contribution, some of whom are most likely supporters of fanatical religions spreading chaos and terror in the world.

I am sitting there having some people who are castigating immigrants and I am not exactly fair and blue-eyed. What kind of people are eating our food, using our water and electricity, our guestroom, our toilet - who are so anti-immigrant, they´d probably kiss anti-immigrant newcomer parliamentarian Jimmy Åkesson's ass.

After the 6th day they decided to move to a hotel - thanks God for small mercies, because I was prepared to pack my traveling bag and return to Stockholm. My sense of fairness and generosity has never been as shaken as this recent encounter with a couple who mostly likely landed from the planet Miser.

Looking at it from a larger view, there are some of us who are generous and egalitarian in our way of life because it feels good to do so. We become a happier people when we make others happy. On the other hand there are those who simply take and take, but never give back.#

The Coming and Passing of 2010

2010 is coming to an end and it is only fitting to think of how fast the year went with things and events that filled the hours, days, weeks and months of the year soon bygone. It has been a year of life-changing decisions after reaching a stage where one enjoys the freedom to enter an arena of choices and non-choices.

The start of 2010 for me was momentous when an opportunity for a last minute travel to some island in the Atlantic presented itself with the first snow blizzard that ushered in a long hard winter in Sweden. That was the beginning of many new things that followed later. The most important, was the beguiling chance of a new lifestyle somewhere that extended in space beyond some seas and oceans.

In January last year, we (my life companion and I) discovered Cape Verde by accident - a third choice after rejecting the first two places also known for sunshine and exotic beauty. Some say that divine intervention or accidental fates can come with unentended consequences that bring great surprises. Just when life's worth appeared to have reached its peak of diminishing return, so comes an invitation for new challenges. Not exactly challenges that impose itself like an ultimatum, but one that comes with the allure of a temptress.

When we discovered Cape Verde, we saw the possibility to re-arrange our lifestyle and enjoy the freedom to be where our hearts take us. Sweden is beautiful to experience the four seasons, to watch the eternal cycle of birth, death and rebirth of nature's living landscape. But winters despite its pristine beauty is not for all ages. It forces many less sporty souls to a life of indoor seclusion. One does not have to accept such an imposition if there's a way out of it.

There are places of more agreeable weather that guarantee a lifestyle of active interaction with mankind and nature. The tropics is nothing new to me. I am of the tropics and I have lived near two great oceans - the Pacific and Indian. To sail the Atlantic ocean recently simply completed my acquaintance with the three great oceans of the world.

After making a decision to a split residence between Stockholm - during its best months from May to October and Cape Verde- during the winter months from November to April, we found ourselves owning a piece of seaside property in Sal island, in Cape Verde. Having a dual residence became a real possibility. It is not unique as many already enjoy a similar arrangement of living in two places where they enjoy a better quality of life. I am from the tropics and I have experienced life where both land and sea are accessible without spending too much flight hours. But to continue a new life in a new place is more interesting because I have already unburdened myself of the many baggages of the past. The land of my birth where the bones of my loved ones rest has become unlovable. I need a new place to nourish my heart and allow my mind to remain active and questioning.

In 2010 I said goodbye to a job I was fairly content with. But I didn't like the petty bureaucracy of the workplace. I don't like dealing with a bunch of mediocres. I welcomed the freedom to choose what I want to do, not because I have to but because I would like to. I also said goodbye to my house where once there was love and family, but they no longer resided in what was once a home. I tore myself away from many distilled memories of the past kept in boxes but I took the best ones and kept them in my heart.

I am open to new surprises that come with the change of lifestyles, in particular the sudden possibility of owning a yacht and sailing the Atlantic from Las Palmas to Cape Verde. I have always had images of glamour and adventure attached to sailing. It was indeed the biggest adventure of my life. Everything else I did in the past as a journalist covering insurgency and separatist wars or doing peace and conflict research in war-torn Bosnia are pale by comparison. If I survived a difficult sailing in a tempestuous ocean then I believe that I just earned the right to a few more years of adventure, but I will choose the waters to cross.

I can say that the year 2010 has been a good one. It showed me that choices in life have no limits except those imposed on oneself. The ability to change no matter how uprooting the feeling that comes with changing entitles one to the joys of self triumph over achievements made, big and small. It is the defining moment of true character.

I welcome 2011 with as much vigour and anticipation for new things to keep heart and mind in balance. The outside world is facing the perils of extremism, but in my world - if I have the choice, I would like to moderate time's speed so that I can savour the coming and passing of more years and the many moments that make my life complete and happy.#

Living Cape Verdean

It has been a little over two weeks since we arrived in Sta. Maria, Sal in our nine-day Atlantic voyage from Gran Canaria. There are no significant changes in the island since ten months ago when we first set our foot in Sal. The same town centre, African shops selling handicrafts and paintings, restaurants and cafes, the reggae music in the evenings and most of all the great turquoise ocean in all its panoramic beauty dotted by sailboats and fishermen boats gently rocking with the waves.

Our boat, Y/S Sheilah is anchored nearby within sight from our beach flat's balcony. It is neighbour to three Catamarans owned by Germans, Dutch and one without any flag. Ours have the Swedish flag but we will register it here and it will have the C.V. flag as well. Our crewmember Steven lives in the boat. Occasionally he comes to shore with the surfboard or the dinghy, or swims to shore.

Getting things functioning in this island has taught us the meaning of "No stress". People don't want to get stressed. They like an unhurried life at their own tempo. When I went to the bank to change some Euro into smaller denomination, they didnt have the cash. Then I went to CV Telecom to inquire about an internet connection. I was told we had to be a company in order to get a connection. It seems that they don't trust residential tourists who come and go, meaning-they own residential flats but are not full-time residents.

There are no mailboxes to drop letters. You have to go to the post office and give your letters to a postal employee. I asked how we could get our mails because there are no postmen delivering them. I was told they are sent to the reception of the Porto Antigo administration. Then the streets don't have names. Our favourite pub is called Tam Tam, owned by an Irish. So we call the street Tam Tam street. On the same street one finds two internet cafes charging 1Eur for 30 minutes.

At sundown, we can see from our balcony the local surfers - one with a dog on his board, swinging high and low with the waves. The local pier is the liveliest part of Sta Maria because it is the landing place for all fish catches where they are cleaned before they are sold or delivered to restaurants. From this pier, the divers and tourists take the yellow submarine and then transfer to the bigger motorsailers. There is a favourite diving place where a Russian ship was deliberately sunk for the divers' delight.

I suppose that a major reason for the "No stress" quality of the Cape Verdean people is that they never had to fight any wars of liberation. They were a colony of Portugal just like Mozambique, Angola, Guinea Bissau, Sao Tome but they got their independence without bloodshed in 1975. They promote tourism especially in Sal where a booming property development is happening but there seem to be no hurry in simplifying its investment rules.

It is a country of nine populated islands. Each island has its own landscape, vegetation and local industries. There is a population of half-a-million Cape Verdeans living in these islands and as many live overseas, mainly in the USA. Living in Sta. Maria, Sal means allowing time to settle in you without the limitations of space and self-expectations. Like the sellers of African arts and paintings, who don't press you for a buy, you don't press yourself for daily accomplishments in a country where you don't see or hear much of politics and politicians. There's that freedom to do nothing and nothing means no shame or disgrace.#

The Atlantic voyage-from Canaria to Cape Verde

In life some things happen without the benefit of elaborate planning and these are the occasions that give the most satisfaction and feeling of achievement. The outcome of unintended happenings that extend beyond the hours of the day create all kinds of feelings, anxieties and excitement over one´s dear life.

Our Atlantic sailing voyage from Gran Canaria to Sal in Cape Verde was not a grand ambition to prove our ability to do better than others. It was going to be the start of a long holiday in a new place in West Africa where my life partner and I intend to spend half the year in residence. We want an easier lifestyle after many years of working and of being contributive members of the human community. We discovered Sta. Maria in Sal - one of Cape Verde's ten populated islands in West Africa last January and we knew right then and there that it would be a home for us. It is a piece of paradise, so achingly beautiful.

To go to Sal by sailing was not planned at all. In the beginning it was the thought of starting an inter-island shipping that sent us looking at cargo boats in Sweden and Norway. We also looked at several motorsailers but to sail from Sweden to Cape Verde was going to be one hell of a challenge.

After searching for vessels of various sizes and brands, I found an Ericson 36 cruiser moored in Las Palmas, Canary Island. It was owned by a Canadian who sailed her single-handed to New Zealand and the Caribbean. The yachting company who was selling it is infact a dear old friend of my partner who moved from Sweden and settled down in las Palmas. I thought it was some Divine intervention that led me to find the perfect boat to take us to our paradise island.

We stayed 15 days in Las Palmas preparing the boat - then called Afriki, for the Atlantic voyage. The boat was moored in the marina called Muelle Deportivo in the heart of Las Palmas' popular harbour. Three days prior to our departure, I had the Afriki name removed and I myself painted the boat´s new name, Sheilah. Finally in Nov. 12th, we sailed out of Canaria on a bright sunny day. We found a third crew member Steven, a Danish who was looking for sailing adventure as well.

After the 6th hour, we were out of the tip of Canary island and had now been almost alone in the huge Atlantic ocean. It was a humbling experience to feel so small in the midst of such an infinity. Then we felt that although the wind favoured our course, the ocean swell was building up in strength. The first three days were extremely difficult because the main sail was ripped in the middle and the tear got bigger. Then the boom's shackle got loose from its hook. It was swinging to extreme sides. I was helpless to help as I was battling with nausea and sea sickness.

On the third day, I wanted the call SOS to pick me up and take me to any nearest port. I had the bad luck of an accident on the first evening. I was down the saloon when the boat dipped suddenly to one side throwing me against the kitchen edge. I thought I got a fractured lower rib. I nourished the bruise for the whole trip's duration unable to breathe without pain. I could not eat for 5 days. I drank only water and juice and even that was an ordeal. We forgot hunger and appetite. It didn't help that we were fully stuffed with food. I subsisted on meager bites of hard bread. The mere thought of food made me vomit.

It was about the 7th day when I had a real meal, we three actually. Steven cooked some rice and sausages. I found it difficult to eat as I felt like having gone through a hunger strike for a week. On the 8th day - after so much trouble with sails and the continued rocking motion, I braved myself and cooked pasta with meatballs. So, on that day we eat together all three of us, in the cockpit - our spirits buoyed by the thoughts that we were only one day away from land.

It was Sunday morning when we sighted Sal, a tiny shadow from a distance. We were so happy and so relieved that we were going to be fine finally. We arrived in Sta. Maria at around 17.00 p.m. It is hard to describe how we felt at this moment. Words are not always enough for great emotions. Sal was, is beautiful. Its turquoise waters a comforting sight for eyes grown tired from seeing only the hard swells of the ocean.

Having gone through this voyage is for me the best test in endurance and spirit, in not losing hope amidst tremendous difficulty and in staying close with the power greater than all men. My
belief in my guiding saint has never been stronger and I felt that She never abandoned me when I needed her most. My life companion - who apologised profusely for taking me on this trip instead of flying direct to Sal without trouble, said that the experience could only strengthen the feelings we have for each other. Hopefully, this is going to be the worst we shall have to face. #

Las Palmas de Canaria's sunny embrace

The journey to the Atlantic, specifically to Cape Verde in West Africa took a detour. My co-traveller and SO (significant other) arrived in Las Palmas Oct. 26th - to claim ownership of Afriki, an Ericson 36 boat formerly owned by a Canadian who has spent many years exploring new territories, including Asia and later New Zealand. We bought the boat without having seen her, based on her pictures on a website about Boats and Yatchs for Sale.


Las Palmas is everything the promoters of tourism about sun says, plus a bit more. It is a favourite retirement place of boat-addicted seniors who got tired of Sweden and its very structured lifestyle. We met Dennis and Ulrika - both Swedes who never left Las Palmas since falling in love with the place 15 years ago. The place is extremely generous to seniors even with healthcare services. Living in a boat is cheap compared to a flat or house. One pays a daily harbour fee of seven EUR which is about 2,700 a month. How much does a flat cost in Sweden?

The boat is still Afriki, until we get its new name painted. It is a very spacious boat with lots of compartments for storing things. It can easily sit 10 people outside for dinners and drinks and another 8 inside. It is a perfect home for two people. The sleeping areas are also generous and can accommodate 6 people. It is equipped with fishing lines which is very important for our plan in Sal - special fishing expeditions.

The first problem we met was the non-functioning stove which made us dependent for coffee on our Swedish neighbours Dennis and Ulrika. At this writing, my SO is battling with the kitchen connections, possibly dismembering the connections. I escaped to Barabordo to do my IT and have a great lasagne lunch. Alone! We'll probably stay a bit more in Las Palmas. It feels so easy and stressfree.

On sunsets when we pop open a bubble ( wine and alcohol are really cheaper than in Sweden's Systembolaget's), we don't talk much and simply savour the gift of a changed lifestyle that allows us to learn not just about a boat and her attributes but about each other. It is surprising that getting to know someone actually takes longer than love at first sight.#

Life like a river

"Que sera sera" is the world of dreams beyond the narrow confines of young adulthood - an unescapable stage in one's life where parental supervision limits the wildness of the mind from seeking adventures beyond what is considered attainable. A small town girl opens her wings and soars the heights of the sky for an unknown destination where dreams could turn into reality. "Que sera sera" is an act of daring, a plunge into uncertainty, a leap of faith with nothing more than one's belief in oneself.

To be young and reckless in the name of adventure and growing up is life's biggest gift to those who believe that everything is possible and that "if there's a will, there's a way". Countless people have succeeded in overcoming limited spaces and resources. Think how many great technologies were conceived in humble college dormitories. And look at how Facebook has revolutionised social media.

How can one be young forever so that new discoveries in life, new meanings could continue despite setbacks. Dreaming as well as living is not one fluid movement like the river. When one is alone, there's no stopping one's search for something or someone. But family, career and relationships create a new dimension in one's search for life's meanings not just for one's self but with loved ones. Growing older helps to create a clearer view of life's destination and how best to navigate to get there.

What happens when the river flow takes a bend? Dreams are broken because relationships fall by the wayside and the dreamer may or may not accept to wake up and take the consequence. There are some who find failures easier to deal with by going along with the main current rather than finding some small outlet where life can find a new meaning that is different from the rest of the world.

How difficult would it be to live in both dream and reality after many moons and river bends? Is there something like middle age romance with life where time is no longer of essence, where a happening continues without interruptions and where love redefines time according to moments of happiness. The truest meaning of life comes from losing more than once and finding at the very end of the river flow just before joining the ocean, a steady skipper to sail a boat and hold one's hand when the sea goes rough. #