One of my favourite authors, Paulo Coelho- with Gabriel Garcia Marquez at the top of the list, wrote and I quote "The great blessing of life is the existence of tomorrows - and having dreams to realize". Do dreams have a future or are we deluding ourselves into believing that by dreaming something we want desperately in real life they would come true? Is there a price to unattainable dreams?
It is the first day of 2009, and I left behind the things that happened in 2008 - with the full knowledge that some things that took place in the passing year will continue in 2009, if I let them. It comes down to my new year's resolution. And it is here where the real inner struggle begins. What do I really want in 2009, and beyond? And I mean, outside of the burning desire for genuine peace in the world, for brotherhood and sisterhood, for equality among all peoples, for tolerance between religions and political beliefs and for a better status for women especially in certain countries where women rights are suppressed. Outside of all these bleeding causes we are struggling to support for a change, what do I really want that really touches me in a personal way?
In the recent past, my struggle has been the re-making of myself after being submerged in grief and loss. There was a time when my life's direction took a meaningless turn, an indiference to everyting that happened around me. It was a self-centered existence, an egoistic trip into self-pity and destruction. Such feelings are common among those who have experienced a great loss, a loss that seemed to find no replacement, emotionally and intellectually. Where does one start? How many of us have gone through, or are going through a loss that is so overwhelming that the heart simply caves in?
And here comes my nyårslöfte, or new year's resolution. As the cliche goes, one chapter closes and a new one opens. It is unbelievable to fall in love with someone that you only communicate with via a mobile phone. It feels rediculous to connect emotionally with someone who barely exists in reality and to build a new life, a day- to- day living based on such connection. But the simple truth is that, the emotional attachment feels stronger and closer than a less caring physical reality.
My new year's resolution in matters of the heart is to accept the interventions of new technology into the traditional ways of courtship and declarations of love. I can live with kind and loving thoughts that regularly come via my mobile phone. They are supportive and well-intentioned, as well as being genuine. I am also prepared to live with the idea of an imperfect love, a love that is hindered by a previous commitment which honour dictates be kept. Does this sound silly and demeaning?
The new year's resolution I do want to keep in earnest, is to start writing my book or books. It is all in the head just now and I sincerely hope that memory keep them fresh until they are committed to written words. I do believe that I have witnessed great history in my country, even participated in a small way to its making. The generations to come, including my children have no idea how difficult times had been to make it through tomorrows. I owe this one to them and to other children whose parents were part of a great historic struggle to change the destiny of a nation.#
