Redefining human boundaries

The coming of winter is now evident as the temperature slides down to zero and darkness engulfs the horizon. Living in wintertime becomes a philosophy. We curse the weather for being unfriendly and rainy and cold, but we don't really answer the fundamental question of why we have chosen to be in a place where there are four seasons demanding changes in lifestyles. We come face to face with boundaries which we make ourselves, and those imposed upon us by the social and natural order of things.

I live with boundaries in my world because the opposite would be utter chaos and disorder. I live alone, like more than a thousand others, but it is not a nomadic life. I am bound by social rules and traditions that help create balance and order. My sense of balance with the outside world and what I feel is right for myself, is mine alone to determine. I choose the boundaries I can live with, allowing certain limitations to be flexible enough for change and growth. For instance, I can say that being born an Asian has equipped me with values entirely different from westerners, but after having lived in Sweden for 20 years, I outgrew some of my Asian beliefs and allowed great western values of egalitarianism and equality to enrich my outlook in life.

What are the boundaries we live in? Obviously it is in the realm of human relations where different kinds of boundaries exist. It is in this sphere that we can make our choices, most of them anyway.We decide how much is ours as individual persons, and how much is given to family, friends and the rest of the world. Blood ties are sometimes restrictive when they result in a border between "Us and them", and a boundary excludes others from the outside world. It is not a porous border that enables one to move in and out the "Us and them" paradigm, without fear of losing one's sense of belonging. Think about having a relationship with someone of this cultural background and being considered an outsider.

There are certain societies that strictly adhere to the "Us and them" rule. If you do not belong to the blood kinship, then you will always be an outsider. This is not the case in the western world where there is greater openness and where family relations are extended beyond blood ties. There are no boundaries for human relations to extend and multiply. Most Asian societies are clannish when it comes to considering who's family and who's not. But it is well-known for being the most extended in scope.

My family is extended beyond geographical and cultural boundaries. Having been married to a Swede gave me the opportunity to embrace his own family relations. Now I have children being married to, and having relations with persons coming from countries like Japan, Australia and Lebanon. The extension has created an expansive cultural experience for everybody, an affinity that defies distance and cultures. If that is not enough, I have also added my sons' friends in gymnasium as extended family. Hence, a Portuguese son who is more British and two Brazilian sons who are as affectionate as my own.

The trickiest boundaries to deal with are those in the field of human emotion - the man-woman relationship where social roles influence decisions on the limits of boundaries. Take a single parent, who maybe a man or a woman and who is also a parent to children. The first boundary that comes up is, what percentage of time is yours and what percentage belongs to the children. Then comes the career boundary, where one's professional life consumes almost 100 percent of one's time. There's nothing left for the other but excuses and loads of SMS that do not justify waitings and failed dinners. These are movable boundaries that one has the ability - given the determination to do right - to redefine and to re-adjust in order to achieve a balance between heart and mind, between duty to others and to one's self , and least of all between the spiritual and the material.#