All about hearts...

When Valentines Day celebration is just a few hours away, many hearts are throbbing faster at the excitement of an anticipation in the strange world of love. Is something memorable going to happen..like a declaration of love? Maybe an engagement which brings two people one step closer to matrimony? Will a shy person finally have the courage to make his feelings known? Will it be reciprocal?

It is so much easier to discuss making love than making war, between loving and hating and between having and losing. Love defies definitions. It is different from person to person. I have just been reading a Swedish blog where there is a heated discussion on the meaning of love. Many are of the opinion that it involves strong feelings between two people, and that there is reciprocity of such feelings. One woman was very clear in her definition that it is respect for each other. For me, respect is respect and love is love.

I wrote a long time ago that we all have love stories, unforgettable emotional encounters that defy the norms of the heart. I thought that in each life, one is lucky to experience at least one big love affair. It takes enormous courage for the heart to become whole again after it has been broken because of a loss. Many allow their hearts to stagnate in bitterness.

Valentines Day's most important message is most probably to remind us how important and valuable the heart is, not only from a fysiological but more importantly from an emotional point of view. A heart that has grown hard with bitterness and hate, is already dead.#

Bloging on middle age crisis..and new beginnings

Little did I know - much less appreciated - how difficult it is for sixty-plus people to fall in love...again! Until a woman friend I met on the net brought out what I could not comprehend in the beginning. Re-starting life is harder for many middle-aged people because many are saddled with painful experiences caused by losses that wounded their souls.

I recently became a member of a society of sixty-plus people who are looking for friends and love. A majority of the members are women, which proves that they are the surviving parties most affected by losses as a result of death of a life partner or one's own child, divorce that came too late in life, and other heart-shattering experiences that left deep wounds in the soul. The "society" offers a forum of exchange between members that keep the flow of communication on different topics lively, thus breaking social isolation among those that have already been deleted from the system after retirement.

I found myself writing a Swedish blog in the form of a diary. In the beginning I felt hopelessly lost in the nuances of the Swedish language. I was searching for a style I am used to in English, meanings I could hide between the lines but which do not escape the detection of the native speakers. But I was already there, and hell! I was going to write in Swedish. I wanted a unique style, something all my own and not one subject to comparison. Hence, I decided that all my narrations would start with an exotic recipe, and then proceed with a philosophy. I would find a philosophy for my day's encounters from the "sublime to the ridiculous".

I started this new project first with a diary entry about "Hot meatballs for a Sunday family dinner", and continued with a serious topic on how to break social isolation without being lost in cyberspace. The response was awesome. I had orders for several kilos of hot meatballs by a reader ready to offer cash on immediate delivery. Then, I followed it with "Sushi and Tempura, after getting lost on the way to the city". Then came "Peking duck and the English taxi-driver " - (the English driver who offered me a place in his bed when I could not remember the address of the place I was going to one late night in London.).

Then came " From Sjögräs" to "Cibo" - which was about a booking in Söder's Sjögräs restaurant that was unfortunately not booked at all, and that we were forced to find another restaurant and ended up in "Cibo", an Italian restaurant in Åsogatan that was much better than Sjögräs. And after the dinner, we went on a car drive around Stockholm's harbour, looked at the majestic white ships quietly moored side by side on a still night when Stockholm city slept. And inside the car, Tom Jones sang "Touch Me..and I will be a fool again."

My latest diary entry was about "Hot lamb curry and the poetry of life". I gave the recipe of an authentic indian lamb curry and proceeded to describe a day in my work in a nursing home; how my heart broke when one of my patients died especially after the relatives arrived and started to cry. I went to a dark room and cried my heart out, not because a very sick patient died but at the images of deaths happening in war torn areas; of children lying dead in the street; of mothers clinging to the lifeless bodies of their children and all the mothers and wives losing their sons and husbands to senseless killings in the Middle East. I cried over the lifeless body of my husband on a hospital bed, and over many other deaths all over the world, unmourned and uncelebrated. I wanted to call someone and say:" Help me!"

There is indeed poetry in life and in death, in the beautiful as well as in the ugly, in the solitude the heart suffers from as well as in the glimpses of hope that, what has been shattered may find a new hope, only if the heart can forgive and forget that hurts from the past.#

Lukas Moodysson's "Mammut" film premier on Jan. 19th

Lukas Moodysson's new film "Mammut" or Mammoth will be premiered on Jan. 19th, in the Stockholm cinema Rigoletto. The story, as earlier announced is about the effects of globalisation upon various lives in different countries. This particular film by a very social-oriented Swedish director who has won acclaim for previous films like "Lilja Forever" and "Container" is set in three countries, of which two are in Asia.

I worked as the interpreter for the parts shot in Manila, Philippines. I am not at liberty to disclose what the film looks like because I have not seen the whole of it, but based on Moodysson's previous films one can expect an emotionally touching story.

Globalisation has altered many people's lives, social structures, traditions and human relationships. A Time magazine featured the Philippines some weeks ago - for which I wrote a comment in this blog- in an article entitled " A Motherless Generation". The article is factual yet humanised in bringing out the anguish and agony that take place between parents - who worked abroad and children left behind in the care of relatives. Thousands of children are growing up in homes devoid of warmth and parental love, and even if they get the schooling they need for a good future, there will always be that nagging loneliness by parents missing on their children's young years and children not knowing the closeness of a mother's affection.

Globalisation has altered for good the boundaries of the labour market, so that surplus labour in Asia and Africa find way to the nearer places like Hongkong and Japan; to Europe and especially to the Middle East. The Philippines in particular, witnessed as exodus of contract workers to the Middle East in mid-70s at the height of the oil crisis. In those days, the conditions of work especially salaries, were much better than what is offered in the crowded markets today. Stiff in competition due to surplus labour, the salaries that overseas workers receive have dropped to as low as USD100 monthly. How does one support a family back home and one's self with this kind of money?

It is not just the diminution of wages that overseas workers suffer from. Many women are constantly exposed to sexual exploitation, the worst of which is rape - first in the hands of the recruiter, then the employer. In the Middle East, this is a common story among many young girls, some of whom were sent to jail accused of false crime like stealing, but who in reality were raped by their employer who want to discredit the girl victim's story.

Lukas Moodysson's film is not about this particular effect of globalisation. It is something else and I do recommend warmly to all, to see the film because it is very close to the reality of the world we live in.#

My "nyårslöfte" for 2009

One of my favourite authors, Paulo Coelho- with Gabriel Garcia Marquez at the top of the list, wrote and I quote "The great blessing of life is the existence of tomorrows - and having dreams to realize". Do dreams have a future or are we deluding ourselves into believing that by dreaming something we want desperately in real life they would come true? Is there a price to unattainable dreams?

It is the first day of 2009, and I left behind the things that happened in 2008 - with the full knowledge that some things that took place in the passing year will continue in 2009, if I let them. It comes down to my new year's resolution. And it is here where the real inner struggle begins. What do I really want in 2009, and beyond? And I mean, outside of the burning desire for genuine peace in the world, for brotherhood and sisterhood, for equality among all peoples, for tolerance between religions and political beliefs and for a better status for women especially in certain countries where women rights are suppressed. Outside of all these bleeding causes we are struggling to support for a change, what do I really want that really touches me in a personal way?

In the recent past, my struggle has been the re-making of myself after being submerged in grief and loss. There was a time when my life's direction took a meaningless turn, an indiference to everyting that happened around me. It was a self-centered existence, an egoistic trip into self-pity and destruction. Such feelings are common among those who have experienced a great loss, a loss that seemed to find no replacement, emotionally and intellectually. Where does one start? How many of us have gone through, or are going through a loss that is so overwhelming that the heart simply caves in?

And here comes my nyårslöfte, or new year's resolution. As the cliche goes, one chapter closes and a new one opens. It is unbelievable to fall in love with someone that you only communicate with via a mobile phone. It feels rediculous to connect emotionally with someone who barely exists in reality and to build a new life, a day- to- day living based on such connection. But the simple truth is that, the emotional attachment feels stronger and closer than a less caring physical reality.

My new year's resolution in matters of the heart is to accept the interventions of new technology into the traditional ways of courtship and declarations of love. I can live with kind and loving thoughts that regularly come via my mobile phone. They are supportive and well-intentioned, as well as being genuine. I am also prepared to live with the idea of an imperfect love, a love that is hindered by a previous commitment which honour dictates be kept. Does this sound silly and demeaning?

The new year's resolution I do want to keep in earnest, is to start writing my book or books. It is all in the head just now and I sincerely hope that memory keep them fresh until they are committed to written words. I do believe that I have witnessed great history in my country, even participated in a small way to its making. The generations to come, including my children have no idea how difficult times had been to make it through tomorrows. I owe this one to them and to other children whose parents were part of a great historic struggle to change the destiny of a nation.#

Surviving the December stress

Christmas and New Year traditions live forever. Changes take place with the material things, the people around us, the ways of expression but the twelfth month of the year calls for a fitting end. We all feel the urge and the desire to salute a year's ending as befitting as possible because during a whole year, some dreams came true, new people entered our lives, and even if there were unhappiness at times, we took them as valuable lessons and became wiser.

December is full of traditions but to be a slave to tradition is another thing. A little Christmas stress is allowable if we have the inclination to do something we find pleasure in, like piling presents under the Christmas tree, preparing a big Christmas dinner with delicacies - some of which are done well ahead of time, having all the colorful lights on and the decors that make the home a fantasy land. The centerpiece is really the Christmas table and the Christmas tree. They have to be beautiful.

The unwanted stress usually comes from work, from last minute things-to-do before taking off for a two-week holiday. But there are those who cannot take similar holiday breaks- like people working in the medical and geriatric care. When you are responsible for other peoples' lives and well-being, you forget your own needs.

Holidays are not happily granted to healthcare personnel who want to go on holiday, hence many call in sick. And this is where the real stress and frustration come in. No substitutes are available at such short notice. A care team looking after some 25 to 50 old and sick people is forced to cope with a diminished work force. Some have to extend their working time from eight to twelve hours. At the end of that shift, there is no more energy left for anything else.

How does one recover from December stress? It is an important health question that needs to be answered. It is not just a private concern, but an employers' responsibility as well. According to Sweden's Previa - a company that deals with corporate problems of work environment-related sickness, it is very important to find time and space to break away from all work-related matters for one's own self-recovery. Never become a slave to tradition if you don't find pleasure in doing so. Do something more pleasurable and forget the unpleasant ones.

Previa even warns employers to be extra meticulous in detecting overstress among the employees and to take burnout signals seriously. It is less expensive for the state to be more generous and attentive to the employees than to pay for a long-term rehabilitation care. Norway gives a taxfree December salary, which is a good gesture of appreciation. Others give away baskets of foodstuff, boxes of goodies and flowers. But in these days of tight budgets the material rewards at the end of the year are few and seldom. There are no fringe benefits and few words of gratitude.

Recovering from December stress becomes a private concern. As for me, I forget the workplace the moment I get out of its doors. It does not exist any longer because it carries a lot of unpleasant reminders. The only things I care about are the people I love, the friends who are there for me when I need company and conversation, especially the ones who never stop sending cheerful and loving SMS messages, even as early as seven in the morning. When the heart is happy, love is never far behind. Caring and being cared for are the best medicine against stress and burnouts.#

The tale of the lost Christmases

Christmas is like love that defies definition. It evokes a multitude of emotions arising from a breathless anticipation of surprises that wrapped packages and homecomings create. It is the presence of family belongingness, of blood kinship that fills the heart with paramount joy and satisfaction. Because unless Christmas is shared with those you love in abundance, then there is no meaning in the ritual of the Holy Nativity.

Christmas celebrations have changed through the years and for more than half the population of this world, the earlier Christmases were more authentic and family-oriented. It did not matter that the Christmas table was not filled with an array of delicious foods one only sees on such occasions, or that the stockings hanged by the bedside only had a few candies and cookies. Happiness exceeded the poverty of allowable choices.

There is a deep nostalgia among those who remember how Christmases were happier then, because of the children's voices filling the room, their running feet echoing the corridors and their laughters and giggles overwhelming the silence of the night. Santa Claus was real to the children, a beautiful tale told and re-told through the ages.

Today, many of the Christmas tales handed down from generations before have all died. They were killed by the real time powers of the television, the Internet, the mobile phones and the digital cameras. There are no more tales to tell and no more visiting Santa Clauses. Yes, the children have become adults too soon, to care about tales from a distant past they cannot relate to.

These days of highly sophisticated technology, family reunions especially on Christmas eve can easily be replaced by digitalised appearances on the Internet. There is no longer that strong feeling of wanting to be home with parents and siblings because absence can be bridged by a digital presence. This is a reality that parents are trying to understand and accept about their children whose lifestyles have changed dramatically. Probably there are still many who follow the tradition, but in general the old ways of Christmas celebration are dead and gone. #

A Filipino foundation is born in Stockholm

In a world of deepening inequality of resource ownership and distribution, a foundation serves as a channel for humanitarian help to marginalised people, especially in poor countries in Asia and Africa. There are many philantrophic organisations and wealthy donors that have contributed enormous amounts of money into well-deserving causes in the field of research to fight deadly diseases such as AIDS, as well as into economic and educational programmes to fight poverty.

Last Dec. 12th, the Philippine Embassy in Stockholm launched a new foundation to be called Philippine Education Foundation, or PEF with the single purpose of helping well-deserving Filipinos to acquire college or vocational education geared towards job opportunities in Scandinavia. The initiator of the project is the current Phil. Ambassador to Sweden and Denmark, Maria Zeneida Angara Colllinson.

Swedish-Filipino organisation leaders were invited to the launch to agree on the proposed constitution and by-laws. Through several fund-raising events in the past, the Embassy ( along with the Filipino community's participation) have succeeded to raise sixty-five thousand crowns as seed money of the foundation. It is an honest start that hopefully will increase in the near future.

The Filipino community started with a small number of immigrants that settled in Göteborg some 30 years back. They were pioneers who were employed in the shipping companies, who chose to settle down in Sweden. Today, informal sources claim that there are as many as 30,000 Filipinos in Sweden, and the number is increasing. Most of them are family members and relatives of earlier immigrants who came and got married to Swedes. Others arrived as au-pairs employed in Swedish households, and a few are professionals in the nursing and academic fields.

I suppose there is a point in adjusting one's education to qualify in a particular labour market and this seems to be the case behind the foundation's objective. Amb. Collinson announced during the launch that Swedish Labour Minister Billström plans to visit the Philippines. The date and purpose of the visit have not been specified. The Swedish government announced recently that it is granting working visas to qualified professionals who can fill certain needs in the market. It does not seem so optimistic these days when thousands of workers are losing jobs because of the economic crisis. Unemployment in Sweden is expected to hit 6.5 percent next year.

The foundation, if it works properly would be a good project to support. There have been many fund-raising activities in the past by Filipino organisations in Sweden, but they were mostly oriented towards acute disaster assistance. What the foundation should aim for is the involvement and participation of Swedish companies and philantrophic organisations with links to the Philippines and the Filipinos. Funding for education is a mammoth undertaking when one takes into consideration the growing population of young Filipinos getting out of schools and universities with nowhere to go but abroad, in search of job opportunities.#