Lonely hearts and the magic world of cruises

How do you break away from a social isolation not of your own making but that fate played a cruel trick on you. A separation from a long-time companion, a divorce that ended a cycle of love and hate, an untimely death that claimed the love of your life, or just plain indifference to the noble functions of the heart have destined many to a life of murderous loneliness.

Sometimes it is none of the above that exile people to the barren life of common trivialities, to a deafening monotony that is punctuated only by the changing of television channels, as one desperately searches for programs that abbreviate the gap between something and nothing. Many couples married for a long time find themselves saddled in a routine of television watching where conversations are no longer relevant and silences become excusable.

At this particular time when the world is gripped by unstable finances and shaky employments, the feeling of anguished uncertainty over life and the attainment of happiness becomes so untenable and desperate. How does one get away from these crippling emotions of desolation? How does one break away from an externally-imposed social isolation when money is scarce and hard to earn? How does a lonely heart find a cure for its constant ache?

For people living in the Nordic countries, there is the gift of the sea. An abundance of archipelagic waters have given life to cruises. One can choose from a number of cruise programs: whole-day cruise to Mariehamn, or 36-hours to Åbo, Finland or the two-nights on board, one day city sight-seeing cruises to Helsinki, Finland, Tallin, Estonia or Riga, Latvia. Name it and the cruising ships of Viking Line and Tallink/Silja Lines are there everyday to make dreams ( some, anyway) come true, even for a borrowed time.

A long time ago, cruises were a luxury and affordable only to those in the upper social class. Think of the classic Agatha Christie Nile cruises where beautiful people cavort with one another and pretend to be someone else other than their real selves. To go on a cruise was to leave behind a wretched life and enter the magic world of make believe where there is music, dancing, dining, flirting and partner-seeking. Life becomes fatalistic. Live today or tonight because tomorrow you could be dead. Carpe diem!

The Nordics are truly egalitarian in the sense that the myth of Agatha Christie's elite crowd of dress-to-kill people on a cruise ( with an agenda to murder ), has been subverted by proletarianism. Cruises are for all, the different kinds of humanity that inhabit this wonderful region of equality between men and women in the pursuit of elusive happiness. In these ships that silently weave through the endless waters of the archipelago and the Baltic sea, men and women pursue with fierce equality the dream of dancing away the night with a Prince Charming or a Cinderella, and not run away at midnight and lose a golden shoe.#

My autumn fashion delights

Financial crisis has hit the global economy, in particular the United States where it all started. It had taken more than two weeks for the United States congress to hammer a USD700 billion bailout plan, which was rejected first but approved later after some sweetening measures. Hence the gloom of autumn's darkening horizon is aggravated by deep uncertainties that now plague every sector of the economy, in particular the labour market.

These are days of suspended animation among major stock exchanges in the world, like a pendulum or the Sword of Damocles that swings threateningly from depressive lows to slight recovery. So, do we all grieve over Wall Street's profligacy or find other ways to enjoy the pleasures of autumn. For one thing, autumn is the most beautiful season of the year. Nothing beats the glorious myriad of orange, yellow and red colours of an autumn landscape. Every piece of Sweden is a painter's masterpiece.

Autumn - notwithstanding its rains and chilly winds - is my favourite season, my holy pilgrimage into the fashion world. I love the contrasts between the neutral black and grey suits, jackets, pants and the striking opposition of reds, oranges, purples, pinks and greens in scarves, blouses, belts, shoes and handbags. Ever seen the latest high heels, the one where Prada models stumbled on the catwalk recently. Great looking shoes esp. from Top Shop (Made in Brazil), if one can manage the balance. I wouldn't recommend it on icy roads.

After returning from a two-week physical wellness retreat, where I also journeyed into the history of Gdansk, in Poland, I decided to seek out the pleasures of autumn. I went around the newly-refurbished Vällingby shopping center, in particular the fashion house K:Fem, the two-level structure that has a wide range of choices in designer apparel and accessories. My favourites are Mango, Top Shop, Best of Brands, Footlight, and Gina Tricot. I 'm not mentioning the designer luxury brands. Top Shop has gorgeous half boots - those that make you feel like a million dollar babe, as long as you can walk with the right balance.

Fashion shopping calls for sensible choices and the designer clothes and fashion accessories do not always guarantee style if you cannot put them into an elegant package. You can combine H&M blouses with Filipa suits, Max Mara or Versace with Mango and look as hot as Carrie Bradshaw or any of the babes in "Sex in the City". So I assembled my personal autumn choices out of cuttings I made from K:Fem's magazine in the photo on this blog. I am not getting involved in the top luxury designer jewelries because it is sinful and aggravating at this point in time. But a Bulgari or Cartier watch may not be totally immoral, is it?#

Gdansk monuments to humanity's cause

Nations and peoples erect monuments to honour triumphs and defeats, fallen heroes and triumphant conquerors. Many countries that have gone through a violent, often bloody path to freedom and democracy build monuments to commemorate defeat and loss of lives sacrificed for a nobler and greater cause of humanity. As generation marches on to peace and progress, monuments are living reminders of what it took to reach the future.

To go around Gdansk historical places was the most humbling experience I have had since many years. It was an emotional trip that took me close to mothers and wives who lost their husbands and sons in the Second World War, and to the workers' uprising in Gdansk shipyard in December 1970s; even closer to the Polish people who contributed so much to humanity's pursuit of peace, even as it suffered horrendous loss of human lives and properties, not just on one war but several historical periods of its nation-building.

Gdansk history goes back to 980, although written accounts of 1412 state that it was awarded to the Teutonic Knights. Then it became the Free City of Danzig, a growing fashionable area for the wealthy Germans who built manors and health resorts. In the 20th century as part of the Prussian state, universities and hospitals were constructed,as well as main thoroughfares that connected it to its present two sister-cities of Sopot and Gydnia. During the WWII, the Germans occupied Poland and Gdansk became a German territory until the invasion of the Red Army that left Gdansk in total ruins. Gdansk was levelled to the ground, pulverised into non-existence.

The monument to the fallen Polish soldiers at Westerplatte is not to commemorate death and loss but to remind all, the Polish people and the world of the heroic defense made by a few against the powerful Nazi German army. It was here the first shots of WWII were fired. History tells us of the contributions made by the Polish soldiers who fought and died so that Europe may live in peace.

Another emotional trip went back to the 70s, the uprising of the Gdansk shipyard workers against the rising food cost and severe economic problems under the Communist era. The first death in December 1970 was in Gdansk shipyard, but in neighbouring Gydnia, 18 lost their lives. The labour strikes continued into the 1980s and led to the creation of the Solidarity movement under a charismatic leader, Lech Walesa. He became the inspiring leadership during a long period of dissent against the Communist rule. In 1983, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for Peace.

The people of Gdansk took the initiative to build a monument to the fallen workers just beside the shipyard. It consists of three towering crosses that appear to guard the whole of the city. In 1999, world dignitaries like US President Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II paid their respects to the contributions made by the workers and the people of Gdansk. Lech Walesa became the first democratically-elected President of Poland and remained so until 1995.

Today, Gdansk is a city re-built by the Polish people. Most of its important buildings and institutions are re-constructed although the scars of the WWII are still visible. Its most important church, the Cathedral of Saint Mary in the Old Town is rebuilt, as well as other historical buildings that were destroyed during the war. The most lamentable place that remains to be brought to life and productivity is the Gdansk shipyard. It is a vital economic artery that is laying in waste and neglect.

As a member of the European Union, it would be an important task to give Poland the economic assistance that it deserves, if the European political leaders remember how much this country has lost and given, so that Europe may live in peace and prosperity. No other European country has suffered so much destruction, and contributed so many lives in the name of freedom and democracy. Now is the time for a just and proper recognition. On 2012 it will host the European Football Games. It will need a huge assistance to build its roads and infrastructures and this is an EU challenge, not Poland alone.

Autumn of discontent

Autumn has arrived with rains, cold air and grey to black skies. All at once the joys of summer with its long bright days, lazy strolls along the waters and landscapes of green trees and flowers are fading into a shadow of depressed moments as we stare at darkness and the embrace of long cold nights. Unto each heart comes an inner sorrow over something lost.

Why do we feel sad that autumn has arrived and that soon it will give way to winter? What's in the change of season that makes us reflect at our own lives. We fall in love during spring, not necessarily with a person in particular, but with the idea of simply falling in love with love. And if it so happens that there is an object of affection, why is the thrill so much greater in springtime than in autumn or winter? Do people fall in love in autumn or fall out of love. Does a depressed heart respond to love's calling?

It is a paradox why during autumn we spend time to reflect on our emotions and relationships we have. We rationalise our spring fever. What was it that made us fall in love with a particular person. What was the attraction. Is it strong enough to withstand the autumns and winters of life? Can two people suffering from autumn blues comfort each each other?

Autumn is not just a matter of weather change. The larger world is not encouraging at all with political and economic issues that hit individuals in different ways. People lose jobs because the industries and companies cut budgets to insure greater year-end profit. Is recession making a bigger bite at corporate profit and therefore many must lose their jobs. The bigger the company, the greater the danger of cutting down on manpower. And who are the most affected? Not the management people. Just the workers.

And when the most respected of Swedish authorities make a muddle of its own statistical calculations that affect every person's well-being, it is not surprising that depression becomes a disease instead of just a temporary feeling. What relationships can withstand the onslaught of economic problems brought about by sudden unemployment? Where can we find joy when we come home from work tired and stressed and there is no one there to ease the worries of the day. It is just evenings of deafening stillness, like the the sepulchral silence of the cemetery. And autumn of discontent made unbearable by the infinite distance between night and day.

The lures and pitfalls of London holidays

I was in London recently for a well-deserved holiday and most importantly to visit my youngest son and his beautiful girlfriend. They live in Highgate, an interesting hub of shops, women boutiques, restaurants, espresso bars and pubs. I have been visiting London since the late 70s, when I worked as Philippine representative for Financial Times. Its like coming home.

The summer sales were still on and the huge inviting signs of 50% off were plastered on show windows. It is always interesting to check how cheaper designer goods are at half price and how perilous it gets for the wallet when the desire to acquire becomes an untamed beast. My city tour was not so exciting except when my son and I had a dim sum lunch at Pingpong restaurant. It was superb! That was the day's highlight.

At Cadbury street, we came inside a perfumery because I wanted to buy some Crabtree and Evelyn products. I love the rose smell of these products, especially the lotion. We also tested perfumes and EDTs and ended getting a Prada which was truly expensive. It is something one wears only with sexy Victoria Secret for special person occasions. A wishful thought though not far from truth.

Since I couldn't find clothes and accessories I liked in the heart of London itself, I explored all the shops and boutiques in Highgate. True enough, I found very interesting shops with trendy clothes and accessories at half prices. It became a genuine shopping spree. My plastic cards were never before as assaulted as they had been in Highgate. I begun to entertain the idea of changing my identity after this trip.

Aside from women madness things, it was the bookshops I never failed to visit where the offer was three books for the price of two. It is truly amazing to see so many new books and authors in the market. When I compare book- buying in London to Stockholm, the latter really pails in comparison. Londoners are great book lovers. You see them all in the underground train reading a book or newspaper.

The other great thing about being in London are the newspapers especially the weekend editions, how thick they come with supplements on several subjects like lifestyle, fashion, health, holidays and food. To sit in the kitchen, drinking tea or cappuccino and having a smoke..oopppss! The feeling of being immersed or submerged in reading has a sustained orgasmic thrill. The truth is, it is perilous for both the purse and the heart to be in London often even if the British pound got cheaper against the Swedish crown.

Undoing one's burnt-out feeling

Never has shopping become as addictive as when one is clawed by a combination of all psychological factors resulting from bad organisation in the workplace, especially where leadership is faulty and weak. Many workplaces in Sweden, particularly in the health care sector, lose track of their commitments to life caring. So many blundering mistakes even by educated medical people. It gets worse when you add the multiracial diversity factor - people coming from many cultures working together.

Just then, you hit the deepest low of your own well-being and gets advice from a psychologist who tell you to find joy, even for thirty minutes a day. In this state of bad well-being, we have friends - close and real friends who understand the need to let out the steam and will give you the time, their precious time, to listen to you, to comfort you with words of sympathy and even invite you to get out and hit the city. See a movie, like "Sex and the City", and feel the joy Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha felt over love lost, and found again. Or "Mama Mia" with a different cadence to ABBA's undying songs. If you don't cry over how Meryl Streep sang "The Winner Takes it All", then you are definitely a lost case.

A depression attack could find more than thirty minutes of joy in a sea of summer bargains. Take for instance the popular high-end NK department store where sales of named brands fell by 50%. A favorite shop inside NK is Kriss, a Swedish clothing brand that sells women clothes, as women clothes ought to be - feminine and alluring. In these days, there are sprawling shopping malls in every Swedish suburb that compete with what one can finds in the inner Stockholm city.

Take Vällingby for instance. The clothing and accessories are fresher than what one finds in the inner city. K:Fem, which is the latest addition in the mode world has shops for all kinds of wallets. A favorite is "Myself and Friends", "Best of Brands", "Sisters" and "Mango". The summer bargains created a 50 to 70 percent price reduction that made shopping so enticing, so exciting and so sexy. Yes, sexy because there is that element of orgasmic thrill at finding something beautiful and affordable.

But the best thing that happens when one is feeling low is that good friends think creatively to help erase the blues. How about a girls night out on a very pleasant evening when the air is sensual and talking from the heart eases the hurts. Some hurts have not found any closures and they continue to nag the present and future. When one has friends who care to listen, who can talk openly about anything from failed love affairs, to unfinished novels and doctoral dissertation, to new hopes and prospects - if only we allow them to happen, then who really cares about a thirty- minute joy when you can have hours and days of lovely moments.

Ending one's life sustaining system

Euthanasia is not allowed in Sweden. It is illegal and can be seen as murder. Even the acceleration of death through pain-alleviating medicine is illegal if " it accelerates death more than it alleviates pain", wrote Hans Thorstedt of the Faculty of Law, Stockholm University. On the other hand, passive euthanasia " in the form of forbearance to initiate life-sustaining treatment in a hopeless case is legal". But the Swedish state of law is not that clear when it is legal or illegal to terminate a life-sustaining system. The issue lies on the border of what is active and passive euthanasia.

I came face to face with the problem of euthanasia. But no one will admit that the decision to end a patient's life-sustaining treatment was in fact an act of euthanasia. In this particular case, it was the children of the patient who asked that their mother no longer get life sustenance through the tube. This decision was made clear to the nursing staff. It would have been just another case of palliative care except that some objections were raised by some staff members who saw the decision as an act of passive euthanasia.

It became a strong psychological issue to get involve in a passive euthanasia case. Several care staffers refused to be involved and a feeling of mental illness slowly affected the working place. When the issue was raised to the leadership of the nursing home, one division chief stated that the decision to end the patient's life sustenance was a deviation from the practice of caring after a patient until his/her life span comes to a natural end.

There have been publicized cases of euthanasia although not in Sweden. For instance, a 35-year old Swede who went to a Swiss euthanasia clinic. Often, they are patients suffering from extreme pains following an accident or a terminal illness like cancer. The patients themselves ask to end their life-sustaining treatment. But when they come face-to-face with death, they change their decisions.

In any case, when this particular issue had infected seriously the working climate of the nursing home, the decision to start the process of ending the patient's life sustaining system became a medical one and no longer the expressed wish of the patient's children. The problem with the medical diagnose is that, there was none in the beginning. There was no medical investigation to substantiate the decision to remove the food tube for sustaining life. The palliative care consisted mainly of morphine and water, supposedly to alleviate pain which the patient may or may not have suffered from.

Euthanasia, whether active of passive are generally in the domain of hospitals. So that when it had happened in a long-term nursing home, one can imagine the magnitude of digression that had taken place. The patient may have found peace and an end to a life without cure, but the psychological and mental discomfort it had created among those who were involved against their will last a long time.