War, women and a wasteland of empty promises

Men rule and make wars. Women lose husbands, brothers, sons, homes and their dignity when they become spoils of conquests. One may think that conflicts are in fact anathema to this period of human development when nation-states have already been formed. And yet, ethnicism, religious fanaticism and excessive political power continue to fuel conflicts and the victims, by a large majority are women and children.

The Swedish women organisation "Kvinna till Kvinna" or Woman to Woman came out with a timely criticism on the absence of women's role in the reconstruction effort of war-ravaged countries, in particular, why the Swedish Foreign Minister Carl Bildt - who played a significant role in the EU peace and reunification effort of Bosnia and Herzegovina, has hardly mentioned women in his statements concerning Sweden's and even EU's role in the re-building and democratization of countries like Iraq.

This is no surprise to me at all because the same political miscalculation characterized the EU Administration of Mostar, EUAM when it undertook its task of reconstructing the bombed-out old city in Bosnia-Herzegovina. During a three-year period, I visited Mostar, Sarajevo, and its adjacent villages and I saw at close range how EUAM did the arduous task of unification and reconstruction. While there were advisers for different spheres: economy, education, infractructure, health and refugee - there was none for women affairs. And to think that the main survivors of the ethnic conflict and cleansing were women and that the greatest number of dislocations were among domestic refugees.

I was doing my masters thesis on "Nationalism and Ethnic Conflict" with EUAM as the empirical part of it. But my heart burned for some involvement in helping the displaced women who lost their relatives and homes, their work and their livelihood. At that time, there were not so many NGOs, particularly women organisations in Mostar. Women victims could not go anywhere to sit down, unload their psychological and emotional burdens, talk to others in similar situation. They were like zombies in a city emptied of life and joy.

Then I finally succeeded to gather some women representatives who were prepared to organize themselves and get some re-training program for livelihood. I brought up the idea to the EUAM Administrator Hans Koschnick. This was after two years ofEUAM work in Mostar. Koschnick gamely came along and sat with the local women, listened to their problems and they waited for an answer. None came, no promise of funds to create a women livelihood program. Then Koshnick told me: "Where have you taken me?" I replied: " Sir, to the heart of your reconstruction project".

When I brought up this women project with the Swedish Development Authority, or SIDA, I didn't get very far. The priority was the upkeep of the Swedish peace-keeping forces and the rehabilitation of women lives through education waited and waited. At that time, "Kvinna till Kvinna" was administratively weak and thinly spread in several conflict areas.

It is with the same pessimism that I view the UN and Iraq government's re-building project because whatever the final document says on respecting women and minority rights, it is half-hearted and cosmetic. Women organizations will have to work very hard in order to be heard, in order to count in the re-making of their society. And they have to do it without any help from men.

Stockholm hosts Int'l. Conference on Iraq

The red carpet rolled today in Infracity in Stockholm to welcome major political actors in an international conference on the reconstruction of war-torn Iraq. It is the biggest political event that Stockholm has taken on since a long time. Helping to put back Iraq on its feet has become a pressing world concern.

But not all agrees in Stockholm's hosting of the Iraq conference because critics say it legitimizes the war that the United States started and for which reconstruction and the problem of refugees that staggers Europe should be undertaken more by the US. The Swedish media reported positively on the Swedish government's decision to host the conference, even if it is clear that Washington has the greater responsibility especially in relation to refugee reception. Dagens Nyheter's editorial today says that, it is not reasonable that Europe should take on more responsibility for accommodating refugees than USA itself.

However, the editorial adds that it would be short-sighted to lay the burden mainly on the US. One has to accept two considerations: that USA's invasion of Iraq was wrong but the world has an important role to play in its reconstruction. Even if the state of violence has tapered down, the risk for escalation of conflict looms in the horizon. A devastated Iraq has repercussions on the stability of the region which does not lie in any one's interest.

It is reported that the international conference will not take up the issue of invasion but focus more on the future. It does not benefit anyone to dwell on the morality of why US invaded Iraq. After the US elections on November, it is expected that the Iraq issue will be treated differently in matters of foreign policy.

The conference is actually chaired by the United Nations in close collaboration with the government of Iraq. The major political actors that have arrived in Stockholm are US. Foreign Minister Condoleeza Rice, UN's General-Secretary Ban Ki Moon, the UN representative to Iraq and Foreign Ministers of Iraq, Iran and Great Britain.

While the conference has placed Stockholm and the Coalition government in the limelight, Swedish Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeldt is going to need a good balancing position in order not be seen as supporter of US Pres.Bush. Sweden has no ambition to play a big role in the conflict-ridden issue on how the UN and the international community will handle the conflict management and democratization of the Iraq. Stockholm hosted the conference as a neutral country upon the admonition of UN and the Iraq government.#

Gabriel Garcia Marquez on a Tallin Cruise

De'ja-vu, the strange feeling of a life moment in the past re-enacting itself in the present happened on a recent cruise to Tallin, the capital of Estonia. It seems that my fate is irreversibly linked to cruise ships, if not presidential yachts. Cruises to Tallin, Riga, Helsinki and Mariehamn from Stockholm are affordable luxuries whenever a need to get away hits the soul.

During my recent escapade to Tallin on the Queen Victoria 1 cruising ship, something remarkable happened. I don't mean having a Premium suite to myself - instead of a narrow cabin with two or four beds. On this particular cruise I met a woman, who like me was travelling alone. She was sitting by herself near a piano bar listening to a pianist's rendition of old 60s and 70s music. She was reading a book, " Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. My heart skipped a beat. I was holding a copy of "The Autumn of the Patriarch" by the same author. I read her book earlier and fell in love with the tale of Fermina Daza and Florentino Ariza. What a strange coincidence, I thought.. to see someone reading my book and listening to piano music.

I sat on the chair opposite her and gave her a smile. Then we looked at the books we were holding, and we both laughed. We started talking. Strange though, it seemed like we knew each other from somewhere like a lost friendship hidden in the pages of Gabriel Garcia Marquez' novel. She said that she likes travelling alone and leisurely like on cruises after her husband passed away. I bit my lips because she took away my own story for being alone.

Obviously, our conversation fell on the books accompanying us. I told her that Gabriel Garcia Marquez is my favorite writer and that "Love in the Time of Cholera" and "Hundred Years of Solitude" were to me his best works. It is a tale of a love story that makes one re-examine one's own. How great was my own love story? How long has that love lasted. We became pensive as we separately sunk into our deep memories.

Then she told me what Fermina Daza taught her about love and being a woman. That Fermina Daza the woman was lost in all the roles she played to perfection: from being a dutiful daughter to being a dutiful wife and mother. She took on the stress imposed upon her by the society she lived in. Until Florentino Ariza, having waited half-a-century for her, declared his love on the same day Fermina's husband died. As the proper lady of the house, Fermina was revolted by Florentino's audacity. But as a woman of 72 years, she was shaken by the ardour of her old suitor. Then she finally agreed to get away from her suffocating social world, and into a Carribean riverboat with Florentino. In that boat and in the face of a ravaging old age, Fermina became a woman she had not been for many, many years.

My new acquaintance had a glint in her eyes when she narrated that part of "Love in the Time of Cholera" - Fermina's discovery of her lost sexuality. I travelled deep into mine searching for what I lost in the years gone.

Loving, losing, living...

How does one immerse oneself from a universe of grief over the loss of a loved one? Pain is always lurking around, ready to bite with every rush of memory of what had been, what should have been, if life continued to flow into the lost person's being. How does one celebrate a death day without feeling anguish once again cutting into the innermost of the soul. Last year on May 16th, someone I dearly loved passed away. There has not been a moment when I accepted that loss. I took it as something inevitable, that death is a part of life in all of us. But a personal rebellion against the injustice of an untimely loss persists, no matter how much one rationalises death.

My husband Bo Kälfors lived a meaningful life and made a career out of helping people in distress. His diplomatic work took him to countries where there was civil strife and unrest such as Lebanon, Mozambique, the Philippines and Bosnia. He was in Lebanon in the early 70s, when war broke out; in newly-liberated Mozambique where a civil war and anti-apartheid conflict raged; in the Philippines during a communist insurgency and Muslim separatist wars; and in Bosnia during the worst period of the Yugoslav federation's break-up.

Before becoming Refugee Adviser to the European Administration of Mostar (EUAM), he served in the same capacity as Migration and Refugee Adviser to the Swedish Foreign Minister. It was a task that took him to troubled spots where refugees threatened to overwhelm Europe: Kosovo, Macedonia, Bulgaria, Albania, and the former federal states of Yugoslavia. The problem of refugees and asylum-seekers tested the strength of a European Union, not just in bringing an end to the conflict but of accommodating the thousands of homeless fleeing from war and ethnic cleansing.

I saw the man my husband was, as someone who believed that diplomacy could equally share the burden of conflict management and peaceful resolution; who could help in the human resettlement of the displaced in Bosnia and promote some ethnic co-existence amongst peoples battered by a century of hatred and ethnic loathing. He missed a few live mine in his fieldwork in Mostar and a bomb that landed on Hotel Ero where the EUAM was headquartered. The threat of death dogged him in many of his diplomatic assignments, such as the bombings in Lebanon in the early 70s, and the raging apartheid war in South Africa at the time he was Charge'd Affaire in Botswana.

That he managed to cheat death in real war death traps were acts of divine intervention. And that he had years left to enjoy with his family and friends - as he reminisced on his many diplomatic adventures was a blessing. It is young to die at 74 years but long enough to leave behind a lasting contribution to humanity.

Today, let me share the wisdom of the Dalai Lama on a death day celebration. His instructions for life follows:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's: respect for self; respect for others and responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take the immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share the knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your
need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
If you spread this mantra to as many others, your life will change according to everything you have
ever dreamed of.

Falling into Mallorca's exotic charm

Northern Europeans live through hard and cold winter every year - although climactic changes have dramatically shortened the days and nights of deep snow at minus 15 to 26 degrees. We feel a strong need to shed off winter in some sunnier lands, which was how I felt when I decided to travel to Palma de Mallorca earlier this month.

Why do we travel? French writer George Sand - who came to Majorca in November 1838 with her lover, world famous pianist and composer M. Frederik Chopin, tried to answer in her book " A Winter in Majorca". "Why travel unless you must?" And she writes: "It is not so much a question of travelling as of getting away; which of us has not some pain to dull, or some yoke to cast off?" For me, it is the need "to dull some pain" over losing someone nearly a year ago.

So I came to Palma de Mallorca - Spain's famous tourist resort for royalties, celebrities and commoners alike. I left behind a Swedish spring stifled by a stubborn winter of rain and frost. I was told that my heritage of 400 years under Spanish colonisation of the Philippines, would allow me to appreciate some kind of second home. April is a benign month in Mallorca where the sun shines almost all year round. It can be ruthlessly hot in the high summer months of June to mid-August.

Soon after I checked in at Palmanova Hawai hotel, I was out by the swimming pool inhaling the ocean breeze and hurriedly shedding off my pale winter skin. Several half - naked hotel guests were paler than I was and I wondered how their delicate white skins could tolerate the exposure to the sun. That was two days of sun tanning that ended with a big glass of sangria at the neighboring English sports pub. The long cove-shaped beach is filled with pubs and restaurants, of which a majority are British-owned. The promenade lane along this long stretch is paved concrete, with benches to sit on for resting, reading and watching others pass by.

One often has some biased notion that popular tourist destinations are over-exploited and no longer leave any rooms for surprises. This was not how I saw Mallorca. True, the tourists can sometimes overwhelm its 400,000 population with as high as 150,000 arrivals at high season, but tourism is the life that pulsates in Mallorca's veins. Its agricultural produce consists mainly of olives and citrus which are exportable. Plus leather, like in other parts of Spain. But tourism is its soul. It has sun throughout the year, a beautiful mountainous landscape such as the Tramuntra and a rich cultural history from the Moorish occupation to the Spanish take-over in the 14th century.

What I discovered - along with hundred others- during my fourth day was Mallorca's two underground caves - the Martel cave and the Cave of the Dragon in Porto Cristo-Manacor. The stalactite and stalagmite formations defy any descriptions that could do justice to their majestic beauty. An underground palace, a cathedral that has strategic lighting to show off the million different formations and an underground lake, as well. At the Dragon cave where they have the Sea of Venice, the visitors are entertained with a concert - a floating concert consisting of a lighted boats, on which one had a pianist playing Mozart. At the largest of all caves called " Sea of Venice" there was a performance. It was a boat with a couple dressed in a rich Spanish costume and in the background was Mozart's music and a video show. The effect against the rugged formations of the cave was out of this world.

Another unforgettable trip was the island excursion that consisted of a train ride to Soller, a beautiful village nestled in the heart of Serra de Tramuntra. The old train kept in polished shape takes one to the past, and passes though olive and citrus groves. Soller is a valley surrounded by steep mountains over 3,000 feet. The journey continued by tram. Then we transferred to a boat that took us to Sa Calobra, a small cove where the tourists could savour the view of the sea and eat their lunches. The way back home was through the steep winding road of Tramuntra, a view so eirie to look down from the double deck tourist bus. We had a chance to stop at Lluc cloister built in 1200, and rebuilt in 1600-1700. There one can pay homage to the Black Madonna, the popular saint of the Majorcans.

The next trip was to Valldemossa, an idyllic and romantic mountain retreat that Polish composer and French writer George Sand has immortalized in music and history. The guided tour included a showing of a documentary on Valldemossa including the famous historical figures like Chopin and Sand, a walk along the street that led us to the Carthusian monastery turned into a museum. The view from the Valdemossa mountain peak is truly breath-taking.

My friends think that it is boring and lonely to travel alone. I was not bored and lonely at all. There was too much history and beauty to digest in so short a time. And even if the rest of my travelling companions were elderly Spanish, English and German couples - enjoying their well-earned retirements, I was content to be alone with myself. In the evenings I had the company of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, whose autobiography "Living to Tell the Tale" was a most satisfying read. I could not have thought of a better companion.

Hello Vällingby City

A sleepy Vällingby commercial center has now become a modern shopping haven offering a variety of choices in fashion and accessories, restaurants and fastfood, and big grocery stores.

When it was inaugurated last March 27th, the focus of publicity was K:Fem - a brand new two-storey department store that will compete with NK and Åhlins in the inner city. Vällingby, located in the west of Stockholm city was once a busy hub of business until it was overtaken by age and neglect. When other suburbs began sprucing up their commercial centers, a decision came to reconstruct the Vällingby to the tune of 3 billion Swedish crowns. There are around 20,000 inhabitants in the area but counting the close neighbors Hässelby and Bromma, one sees a potential 200,000 customers who will patronize the new shopping center.

Aside from K:Fem, there is Velinghus which opened earlier and houses top companies like H&M, Åhlins, Kapphal, Dressman, Indiska, Wedins as well as big footwear shops. It has a fastfood, much like Kista's which offer a variety of international cuisine. Aside from the big clothing and shoe companies, there are even smaller specialty shops that sell home decor and gift items.

Three major food shops - Hemköp ( owned by Åhlins), Coop Konsum and the German Lidl compete in both prices and food varieties. At the opposite street is a row of known companies like Telenor and further on is also a new area that houses big stores like Onoff, Clas Ohlson, Folkhemmet and Lidl. There's an open air parking space as well as an underground one, enough to house the expected number of new customers coming to Vällingby. All major banks - Nordea, SEB and Handelsbanken have branch offices.

The developers business concept is to attract not just high-end buyers but also those looking for low-priced affordable trendy clothes such as in H&M and Gina Tricot. Even in food, the target is to have competitive prices for a variety of fresh and dry goods, especially organic which is Coop Konsum's ad line.

Since Vällingby's inauguration in Thursday, people have been streaming in until Sunday when there was special discounts on all goods purchased. The mood was festive and the crowd was from all ages. The new Italian restaurant Massagotti in K:Fem is a welcome treat for health- conscious people who love real fresh salad plus small additions of different sauces like artichoke with beans. And the lunch price which includes drinks is only 90 crowns. One level below, is a cafe by the same owner. It is elegantly-located and one can watch people outside through its glass wall.

We who live nearby can really enjoy the new shopping center that has taken on a new life, from a being drab housewife to a glamorous celebrity. Welcome to Vällingby city!

Remembering Holy Week in the Philippines

I have vivid memories of Holy Week " semana santa" observance in the Philippines - the only Catholic nation in Asia. I remember as a child that the weather was always somber and mournful which brought close to heart the suffering of Jesus Christ. We learned the Passion of the Christ - why he died on the Cross in order to redeem mankind from its sins, from our parents' teachings and from catechism.

The Spanish colonizers built many churches, one in every town at least. The church is the focus of the Lenten season's celebration. People made church visits to pray and go through the passion of Christ, which means that they re-enact the various stations of the Cross. The churches do not have masses, not until Easter Sunday. The saints are covered with a violet-colored cloth and only the image of Christ in a glass coffin is open for prayers.

The religious processions were something to look forward to. Many people joined, reciting the Holy Rosary as the started from the church, followed a route around town and ended in church again. The images were dressed in beautiful finery except on Good Friday night when Jesus Christ' mother - searching for her son, is wearing black. In most houses, women sang the Passion of the Cross for two days, starting Thursday. And on Fridays, men dressed as Christ's disciples went around. At three o'clock, which marks the death of Jesus Christ, everything comes to a death stillness.

The observance of Holy Week varies from town to town, province to province. In the province of Pampanga, it is a ritual to have some men actually nailed to the Cross on Holy Friday. It is an act of penitence, a promise one has made to atone for something. Many men also practice self-flagellation using ropes with thorns, while others have crowns of thorn just like Jesus Christ. Even now, the practice of Cruxifiction is still done and how much of it is tourism, no one can judge.

As children, we were told to be quiet and to reflect on our sins, to abstain from merry-making and laughter. The elders observed fasting for two days, and if one must eat the quantity was little and no meat was ever consumed between Thursday and Saturday. On Saturday- the day of Jesus Christ's resurrection, we were all told to take a bath because it was new water. The act of resurrection applied to everything, most especially to feeling reborn.

Easter Sundays were festival-like. Children in bright - colored dresses danced with flower arches from house to house. They were called "pastoras" and they received gifts from the house owners. It starts at four in the morning when an angel -child is lowered from a tall stand built infront of the church. Many people went to church for the four o'clock Holy Mass, and to witness this traditional ritual. I don't know what it meant then, and even now. Probably an angel descending from Heaven.

When I was living in Manila, I used to go home to my town Camalig during Holy Week, and most people did the same. It felt different to observe "semana santa" in a small town than in a big city like Manila. It was a time for homecomings and family reunions, for meeting friends who lived in other places. And the feeling that we get during the Easter High mass is tremendous gratitude in the thought that Christianity means love for one another.