I have long wanted to borrow the famous title of this blog. But the circumstance that best describes that "being of lightness" has not come to light, as I would have wanted to. Over the last couple of days, I was thrown in a state of constant time change - from the past to the present and back to the past. Some past brings the jewel of that time and others the debris to be thrown away in the dustbin of history.Having succeeded to depart once and for all from insignificance of past times - where I thought I made serious contribution to changing the order of things in a little part of the universe, I was summoned to face the challenges of the present. In less poetic language, the ordeal of buying and selling properties became the agenda of the day. First, was completion of the final purchase of a dream seaside flat in Cape Verde, which took hours in the bank. The financial scene has been hazardous for the weak-hearted because the stock market simply skidded down due to the plunging economy of Greece. And the Euro currency wavered. This was bad news, really!
After having succeeded to do away with a sizable life saving to own a dream property in the Atlantic, came the next challenge - that of selling two properties, both of which required a considerable amount of work to empty and renovate. May is a perfect season to sell properties in Sweden, when the trees have young leaves and spring flowers are at their brightest.
In the midst of solving such trivialities of common living came questions that relate to people in the nearest scope of the family. Few days ago, my grandson was christened on a bright beautiful spring day. A wonderful ceremony that radiated with so much love and affection. Matters of family and heart are always overwhelming. But there is always an opposite to happy moments when the heart feels once again some sorrow for those no longer around to share such happy moments.
Three years ago, specifically on the 8th of May I got an early message that my only brother died. I could not attend to his last rites and I am indebted to Satur, my first husband who was there to represent us during this difficult hour. My brother has five daughters, but unfortunately they were not around when he needed them most. This wound in my heart has not healed, because I cannot conceive in all rational thinking how children - daughters especially could be unfeeling towards a parent in his last hours of life.
A week later, my husband of 25 years died after a lingering cancer illness. This was a deeper stab in my heart and I didn't for once think that I would get through living. I saw my world collapsing with tons of debris over me. It felt okay then to let go as I have already lived a substantially good life. But somehow, I survived all the pains of losing and allowed myself a chance to pick up pieces, glue them as best I could and look at the world with a bit of lightness and optimism. And because I opened my heart to the sky, I felt the glow of sunshine enter my life and the shadows of the past slowly disappeared.
When I come closer to the 8th and 16th of May, I no longer feel the bitterness of losing, of knowing that I lost someone I loved dearly. In a span of three years a new life grew from within, just like the spring flowers edging out of the dead leaves of winter. Life is always there especially when we open up to welcome its renewal, season after season. And love never dies.#
